Sunday, 28 May 2017
I read recently about people who have different vision to most of the population. Instead of the bog standard two channels for conveying colour information from the eyes to the brain, tetrachromacy is the condition of possessing four independent channels for conveying color information.
This basically means you see vivid beauty and subtle nuances in everything. What may appear blue to mere mortals, would have shades of green and various hues and shadows to a tetrachromatic person.
I only found out about this recently and I was, to put it mildly, very jealous.
But then I realised that for most of my life I've never utilised the two channels I do have.
For a very long time (as regular readers of this blog will know) I have raged and seethed about the unfairness and injustice that has been in my life. My vision was usually focussed inwards, partially to try and solve the issues I found unjust and partially as a refuge from the horrors of reality.
After travelling in Australia and New Zealand for 6 months I've finally reached a point in my life where I am more at peace with reality than with fantasy. It was April the 18th when I was able to safely say, with 100% certainty that what was happening on a daily and weekly basis as more satisfying than what I could think about.
As a result of this I have a kind of Tetrachromatic Lite going on. I can see flowers and clouds and skies and fields and think they look beautiful. I can go running and say "hello" to everyone I see, whether I know them or not and not care if they reply. I can enjoy food without wondering if a better meal is around the corner. I can have sex without utilising a 'switch' image to sustain an erection (i.e. retreat into some porn fantasy as I wasn't present in the moment with whoever I was with).
I can and do, go running twice a day (morning and night) in order to keep my fitness levels high. I'm doing yoga and core work and eating healthily. I've almost completely given up sugar and touch dairy stuff rarely.
I came off beta blockers about 9 months ago and my anxiety is now virtually non existent unless I have a bad hangover.
Overall I just love being here and spending time with my wonderful Dad.
Most of all I'm finally at peace with what goes on from day to day. I don't feel the need to go out and get wasted in Joe's bar every night, now I'm back in Plakias with my Dad**. I can stay home and read a book and enjoy just being here without constantly wondering what's over the horizon.
Tetrachromatic is when you open your mind and your eyes to the beauty of life and enjoy it for what it is.
**Although I have actually had to fight to sustain this one.