Saturday, 17 September 2016

The Normality Intrusion

Recently I've been doing some relatively 'normal' things.

By that I mean such pastimes as fishing, snorkelling, not drinking until the evening, learning Spanish, and going for a run (nearly) every day.

The fishing has been fun but has resulted in 8 days of. bugger all before I finally caught something. Nevertheless it's been relaxing and taught me a little patience. Haven't been since I was about 5 years old with my dad, who berated me for slipping down the bank into the brook and scaring the fish away).

The snorkelling has been the usual wet peacefullness as I duck dive for shells and deserted sea urchin shells and anything else that grabs my eye (at least until the frog mask fogs up).

The drinking curfew was due to a couple of miserable hangovers attained through getting hammered on shots at lunchtime. Waking up at 5pm and then going back to bed at 9 o'clock is no fun, especially for a man who's err....over 30.

The jogging is proving fun yet took me about 2 weeks to get aclimated with. While I still haven't cracked the 20 minute mark this is something I'm enjoying more each day.

The Spanish is via an app on my phone called DuoLingo. I've disciplined myself to 15 mins per day and cab now dat with confidence "Los elefantes comen manzanas".

Then it occurred to me that all the above are what other people tend to call "normal". A normal day for me would be something along the lines of:

11am- Wake up (unless it's Weddnesday when I have to be up and out by 10).

11.15- Breakfast.

11.30 to 12- Mope about, remember that the youth hostel manager is a cunt; that a sour faced receptionist once refused to let me use the bog at the dentist; wince at my various aches and pains; smile at the memory of replying "Fuck off. Can I make it any clearer?" to a former employer who recently had the temerity to ask about my availability.

12ish- Go with Dad to Joe's Bar where I drink water and check Facebook on my phone While wondering where I can go fishing. Remember that I'm banned from the Youth Hostel and reminisce on the wonderful social life I used to have there. Wonder just how fast the days go by in this town. Wonder just where my prescription sunglasses are that I lost a month ago.

5pm- Have a wank while watching porn on XXX Videos.

7pm+ Get wasted on beer and Raki, during which time I'll get paranoid and/or anxious and/or depressed.


My days were extensively filled with a lot of mental masochism based on keeping myself busy remembering just how shit life can be. By forcing myself to do "normal" things my perspective is slowly changing to become, as my friend Dawn H recently suggested "chilled the fuck out".

Who know. Maybe I'll start going for long walks on beautiful Sunday mornings in October over misty hills.

Then again, maybe not.


  1. Hi Lance,
    Sorry again we couldn't give you a lift the other day when we met you; we had a great time talking and hanging out with you at the backyard cozy bar. Unfortunately we also have learned to be cautious when traveling the world; never had any major-bad encounters BUT we've also had our share of run-ins and close calls with the Crazies of the world.

    Thankfully i think you are only half crazy and i regret that we hadn't the time to get to know you better and give you a ride around the island a bit.

    Been looking at your blogs and thoughts online and encourage you to keep up the good work. We're back home in the USA but already missing Crete and surrounding areas. Alas the need to earn the monies returns with force, if only to allow us to continue our adventures in the future.

    Good luck with all you do--you're a spirited, exciting person with a lot to share with the world!

    --Clay and Tara

    1. Hey no probs. Did you get that Kindle copy of Stab Proof Scarecrows that I emailed you?


Your turn to speak...
Feel free to disagree but insults and insinuations
will get your comment deleted.