Sunday, 31 May 2015

How to Close Your Ebay Account Like a Boss




This is a chat I had  with a couple of dipsticks on Ebay's Live Chat.
My user ID is now "closing_my_account_as_this_service_sucks" but they still don't seem to take the hint.

I feel SO much better now.
-----------------------------------------------
  • You have been connected with Ebay Customer Support.
  • The next available Chat agent will be able to assist you.
  • Thank you for your patience.
 (After 10 minutes)
Mike Hunt
Welcome to eBay Live Help, my name is Mike. Please give me a moment while I check your account details.

Mike Hunt
I've verified your account Lance. How May I help you today?

closing_my_account_as_this_service_sucks
I have expressed my utter disgust with your service (short version: buyer in Germany wanted refund. Complaint only in German...which I can't read. Advice from your colleagues "use Babelfish". I want my account closed NOW.

Mike Hunt
I know how this affects you. Before we proceed with your query about closure of your account, do you have any other issues need to be addressed?

closing_my_account_as_this_service_sucks
How do you "know"? Are you psychic?

closing_my_account_as_this_service_sucks
Or is this the "sympathy" you are trained to give?

closing_my_account_as_this_service_sucks
I have many issues with Ebay, but let's stick with this one now eh?

Mike Hunt
Thanks for confirming. I cna see that your account is already for closure Lance.


closing_my_account_as_this_service_sucks
Yes, I know THAT. Point is it's June 10th. I am so upset that I want it closed now. Suggestions?


Mike Hunt
I know how this affects you. In this case, I will transfer you to our specialised team that';s handling the closure of your account. Would that be fine for you?


closing_my_account_as_this_service_sucks
That would be utterly splendid.


Mike Hunt
Has transferred you to: Connie Lingers


Connie Lingers
Welcome to eBay Live Chat, my name is Connie. Please give me a moment to review what you have discussed with the previous representative.

(After 5 minutes)
closing_my_account_as_this_service_sucks
Did you fall asleep?


Connie Lingers
No, I'm here.


Connie Lingers
As I understand, you want to know the status of your account closure. Am I correct?


closing_my_account_as_this_service_sucks
Nope, I want to close it now. I know the current status. I am totally narked off with Ebay and having to explain everything at least twice, handle refund issues in languages I can't speak and getting answers to questions I didn't ask.


closing_my_account_as_this_service_sucks
But congratulations, you are about the 14th live chat agent I've talked to who didn't understand what I wanted


Connie Lingers
I'm sorry to hear about this. Please bear with me for a few moments while I investigate this for you.


closing_my_account_as_this_service_sucks
are you a real person? I only ask as that last reply was totally innapropriate to my original statement. What are you sorry for? That you work for Ebay maybe?

Connie Lingers
I'm a real person and I was just being courteous.

Connie Lingers
Lance, your user ID is labelled 'no longer a registered user'. You can still sign in and view your account but you can't place bids or list items.

closing_my_account_as_this_service_sucks
JESUS!

closing_my_account_as_this_service_sucks
That is NOT the purpose of this chat

Connie Lingers
Your account will be closed on 3rd May 2011.
closing_my_account_as_this_service_sucks
I want it closed now

closing_my_account_as_this_service_sucks
anything I can do to speed it up?

Connie Lingers
That is the best I can do for you as the system will not allow it.

closing_my_account_as_this_service_sucks
how about if I type fuck bollocks wank and bugger?

Chat Session Ended, Goodbye. (5010)

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