Wednesday, 25 February 2015

April's Diamond

From: Insurance Team 
Sent: Wednesday, February 25, 2015 8:40 AM
To: LR Manley 
Subject: Insurance claim - PL63/****/**


Further to our previous correspondence with regards to the incident that occurred whilst visiting our Stratford upon Avon store. 

We have investigated this matter and we regret that the company cannot be held responsible for the damage incurred. From the information available, it appears that you collided with a stationary concrete surround in the car park. 

We can only accept a claim for accident or loss where it is clear that the company has been negligent and as the driver of the vehicle the onus is on you to be aware of your surroundings. 

Whilst we are sorry to hear of this incident, we are unable to consider your claim further.

Yours sincerely,

April Taylor,
Morrisons Insurance Team

From: LR Manley
Sent: Wednesday, February 25, 2015 10:55 PM
To: Insurance Team 

Subject: Re: Insurance claim - PL63/****/**



While emails are accepted to be a less formal form of communication than the old pen & paper method, that is simply flippant. Especially when you consider what the subject under discussion is.

But hey, I’ll assume your lack of etiquette is simply a training issue that I hope your supervisor picks up on before it gets out of hand and you start calling people “baby”.

I did indeed collide with a stationary concrete surround (a “diamond” I believe it’s called) at your Stratford upon Avon branch. The reason I hit it was because it was partially hidden due to the tree it was meant to be holding, blowing down 6 weeks previously in a gale and not being replaced by the time I turned up to buy an Indian meal for one and a can of Pepsi.

It was also dark, what with it being night time AND the diamond protrudes into the four separate parking bays it has taken over like an unwanted parasite AND the bay that I used was between two other cars. As I explained a few times on the phone and in that email I sent you, the diamond couldn’t be seen below the level of the dashboard. I took photos to prove this (both with and without flash) and a film of me walking up to the diamond to simulate the car pulling in (I possibly should also have shook the camera and gone “bang” to simulate the tyre bursting as it hit the diamond).

You have blatantly copied and pasted that second paragraph. Call me cynical but the fact it’s in Times New Roman and not Georgia tipped me off. 

Does it have some resonance within the world of insurance claim assessment that the object was stationary? Were it hurtling toward me with the cruel intent of bursting my tyre out of some spiteful sense of concrete vengeance, would that have added more credence to my claim?

The main thing that irks me about your email (“Morning” being the 2nd) is this line:

“as the driver of the vehicle the onus is on you to be aware of your surroundings”.

You could have simply written to me to politely state that you have found that I have no claim and left it at that. Being given unsolicited advice by you on how to drive my car is beyond patronising and concrete proof you are completely clueless (did you see what I did there?).

I will no longer be using Morrisons and will take great delight in microwaving the Match & More card tomorrow morning. Spending half an hour getting my hands covered in grime, jacking up my car to put the spare on due to your company’s laziness over replacing the missing tree from the lurking diamond, and then waiting 6 weeks to read this load of drivel from you, has basically pushed my patience over the event horizon. For the sake of £55 you have lost the roughly £3000 per year I spend in your stores on groceries and petrol.

Have a nice day and I hope you get fired.

Mine sincerely

Lance Manley LLB (Hons)

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