Friday, 16 January 2015

Too Much Information

Conversation from 2002 on a summer camp I was working at.

Gianluca (22 year old Italian colleague). "Lance, you remember Sofia, the Italian girl from Milan that I was friends with from the first group?"

Me: "15 year old with her nose pierced. Yeah, why?"

Gianluca: "I am her boyfriend now. I will go to stay with her parents in a couple of weeks."

Me: (naively believing that they were simply best mates at camp and had decided to let things flourish once back in Italy). "Fair play, I take it her parents are cool with this."

Gianluca: "Yes, they think it's OK"


Gianluca: "I used to go to her room at night and leave at 5am so the cleaner wouldn't see me."

Me: "WHAT?!! You fucking daft bastard! Why the hell did you just tell me that?!!"

Gianluca: "Why are you angry? You once had a girlfriend who was 16 and you were 26!"

Me: "Difference was I wasn't loco parentus. If you were sneaking around at 5am you clearly knew it was wrong. I can't believe you just told me that!!!"

I grassed on him to the company boss a couple of weeks later. Boss wanted to know why I hadn't said anything at the time and I pointed out it was my word against Gianluca's; no one else heard him say it; and Sofia was long gone PLUS he clearly was in love so wasn't likely to try it on anyone else. I stated that he shouldn't work with kids any more and that the fact he had even mentioned it meant he had no sense of perspective and was basically a twat.

If it's true love, wait until the 18th birthday.

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