Throughout my life I’ve felt angry.
As a child
As a teenager.
And as a man.
Thing is that I consider my anger to be forged in the steel foundries of righteousness. My anger is caused by the injustice and bullying of a world polluted by vile thugs and vicious, spiteful tormentors.
None of my anger is unwarranted, my anger is caused through the evil machinations of an unfeeling society. My anger is pure and while I have learned to bottle it and channel it and store it and suppress it…ultimately it has a halo of purity and is 100% pure, unadulterated, justified anger.
Then you realise that nearly everyone else feels exactly the same way, especially the people you’re facing when angry, especially if they caused you to feel fury in the first place.
About 2 weeks ago I was driving around town on a busy street full of shops. A car in front of me slowed down and halted. I bit my lip and kept my temper in check as I could see the driver was elderly and possibly lost. Driver then got out and without even acknowledging me and the other 3 cars he’d caused to back up all the way to Murphy’s Bar from the Sue Ryder shop...shut and locked his door and then slowly walked into the store, not sparing us a glance.
I blared the horn three times and raised my hands in exasperation but the old twat just flapped his hands at me in a “shoo!” gesture. He then spoke to two women in the shop doorway, still not paying any attention at all to the traffic jam he’d caused.
I wound down the window.
“WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?!!”
“Never mind ‘just wait’…MOVE THE FUCKING THING!!!”
He ignored me and walked into the shop, lifted up a large doll’s house and walked out to his car with it. I could her one of the shop assistants say loudly:
“Tsk! He told that man what he was doing but he still gave him a mouthful!!”
I glare at the fat bitch who realises she’s being stared at and looks away from me with a farty expression on her face, stood blocking up the shop doorway with a Xmas hat perched on her head.
The old git slowly puts the dolls’ house in his car boot, gets back in and drives off, still without any gesture of piety to me or the 5 cars behind me. He then pulls over 20 yards further down…without signalling, and waves his fist at me angrily when I blare the horn and give him the finger while easing back on the brake I’ve just slammed my foot on.
As I sat down to write this blog entry, I realised that while the old cunt was being monumentally selfish and the shop staff for some reason condoning his behaviour (even if old, if you can drive and lift a dolls’ house, you can walk 100 yards from the nearest parking space)…there were probably two other views on this from the Anger Men involved apart from me.
1). The Old Man
“I pulled over to get my granddaughter Rose that lovely doll’s house she wanted so desperately for Christmas and this man behind me couldn’t wait for even 2 minutes. I couldn’t find a parking space, I mean I had looked and everything and I waved my hands at him to show him I wasn’t going to be long but he swore at me. Well, I couldn’t believe the language. I shouted at him to wait. Imagine using foul language like that in front of those nice ladies from the shop. Anyway I got the doll’s house in the car and I was only 2 minutes. I pulled away, still very cross about that rude man and realised I hadn’t got my seatbelt on. I pulled over to put it on and that man blared his horn at me again! I tell, you I gave him a piece of my mind as he went past.”
2). The Shop Assistant
“Mr Jacobs came in to pick up that lovely doll’s house for his granddaughter today. Christmas traffic was awful and he couldn’t find anywhere to park. He’s 78 next birthday you know! This rude man behind him was beeping his horn and giving him such a mouthful. I mean what else was he supposed to do. I was very cross about that, but the man was staring at me very aggressively so I looked away and when I looked back he thought he was being funny by winking at me and baring his teeth. Oooh! I was so angry. Mr Jacobs was only 2 minutes.”
So…one scenario I know, and two that are likely from an incident that was ultimately pointless and over the top from all parties, including me.
Something I’ve found throughout my life is that people think that because they are thinking something, it will therefore be fundamentally obvious to other people that they’re thinking it.
My mother hasn’t had any communication with my brother in over 15 years (her fault entirely, no sympathy) and when I asked her 2 years ago if she’d like to see a video on YouTube of him wining a silver medal in a Jiu Jitsu competition in Thailand, her two word reply was “not desperately!”
We then had a MASSIVE row on the phone this summer over my Aunt’s suggestion that my mother give me a present to take over to my brother when I met up with him and my Dad in Crete. After much bawling down the phone she wailed “DON’T YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I CARE?!!!”
I replied in a temper “No! Because you do a passable impersonation of someone who genuinely doesn’t give a fuck!!! What do you think I am? Telepathic?!!”
Problem was that because the feelings were so real to her, she somehow believed that they would exude through her forehead and permeate the consciousnesses of people around her, despite the two word response over seeing the video 24 months previously.
But I digress…
The main issue with Anger is that we all feel that our rage and our rage alone is entirely justified. I finished watching the utterly splendid, wonderful and awesome show LUTHER tonight. In one episode I was briefly in hogs’ heaven when a vigilante appeared to confront a gang of Chav thugs who were beating up a guy and attempting to gang rape his date. The guy appeared, dressed in black and when the Chavs told him to fuck off he just stood there. Then one of them went “you deaf mate?” and told another Chav to “deal with ‘im!!”
Chav grinned, pulled up his hood and approached the silent stranger with a claw hammer. The guy then pulled his hand out from behind his back and murdered the little cunt with one blast from a sawed off shotgun (best bit was when he flew backwards through the windscreen of a VW car parked nearby).
I was in paradise watching this!!! Horrible cunts getting EXACTLY what they deserved (bloke then chased and shot another Chav).
Problem was…that the guy was so full of rage that he began targeting cops and innocent people in order to get to the guilty ones he so desperately craved vengeance upon.
Anger is to be honest, a bit shit.
Learning to defend yourself needs aggression with a smattering of anger thrown in. Enough to fuel your physical strength and stamina and boost your adrenalin…but not so much that you lose focus. Ever seen an angry boxer win a title fight?
We all feel our anger is the One True Anger. In the end, it’s better not to get that pissed off in the first place.
Revenge is a dish best served cold. And self confidence is a trait best served with a clear head.