Monday, 23 September 2013

Dear John...



Dear John,

Today you friended me on Facebook, somehow forgetting the fact that even though it’s 27 years since we met, I have always considered you to be nothing short of a vile little cunt.

I’ll explain.

When I was 15 I dated your sister who was, I believe 14. Helen was a lovely, sweet and cheerful young girl. Full of life and very clever. Unfortunately she was related to you and the inbred bunch of fuckwits that made up your vile clan of pond life who lived in Bertie Road.

You had a great deal of half sisters and brothers as I recall. This was presumably due to the fact that by the time I met your mother she was on her 4th husband; your dad. I never understood why Helen didn’t want me to visit her family until I caught your father spying on us as we walked up the street. She’d always got me to escort her to the top of Station Road and kissed me goodbye out of sight of your street. When I finally met your folks (and you, you vile little bastard) you lived in a house that would have put Wayne and Waynetta Slob in a different council tax code. Paint peeling off the walls, chips for dinner every night, stinking of tobacco. Your mother was in her 60s even then and was a sour face, fat ugly bitch whose opening line was, “So you’re the boyfriend then? I don’t agree with Helen having boyfriends so keep your hands to yourself!”

Delightful creature.

By the way, I heard she died about 10 years ago. I hope it was painful and prolonged and they lost the key to the morphine cabinet.

But I digress…

Your parents used to treat Helen with the same level of over protectiveness zest as a fundamentalist Islamic family waiting to force their daughter into an unwanted arranged marriage. We could never be alone together and I vividly recall that one day as I sat with with my arm around Helen in front of the TV, your mother waddled in and smacked her on hand like an infant, shouting “I’ve warned you about this!!!”

Another time the obese fuckwit burst into my house via the back door and her only words to my astonished mother were, “I’m going to kill your son!!!” as I was 20 minutes late getting Helen home. My mother being a tad spineless simply kept her mouth shut and despite not being introduced to your mum, she did nothing while your mother ordered Helen back out of the house. (By the way, we were looking at photos in my bedroom, I wasn’t fingering her).

Your father was a dirty, scruffy cunt. Never seemed to bathe and had the ropiest old blazer I’ve ever seen. He also looked like a pig, with huge flared nostrils. He once shrieked, “PACK IT UP!!!” when he saw me kiss Helen on the cheek (I’ll repeat that…on her CHEEK. And I do mean one of the cheeks on her face) in your back garden. Apparently he’s dead too. Good and double good. Hope that hurt as well.

Final nail in the coffin was when we were out for a walk up Abbey Fields and me and Helen were holding hands. Your mother kept shouting, “Helen, stop being so bloody daft!” and eventually you, you little twat, came up and painfully hit our hands apart with a stick shouting, “She said stop it!”

Helen and me never really had a chance you see. She was a sweet kid with an overbearing, pig ignorant and stupid family of vile fuckers like you. I stopped coming to see her but she was still technically my girlfriend.  A couple of weeks later I met her in the street and said it was better if we just ended it, mainly as I couldn’t stand her parents (or you). She looked hurt but accepted it. We kissed goodbye and she walked home. Last I heard she was dating a guy with learning difficulties who was about 5 years older than her and had been arrested by the police for touching up his own sister. Her self esteem was so ruined by that point that she probably thought that was the best she could get.

So…as you can see I didn’t like you and didn’t like your parents and I wish you were dead.

Now fuck off.


Lance

19 comments:

  1. They did not want her to marry beneath herself. They could see you'd only ever be a police man. They were harder than you and cyber revenge is all you have. (Delete as appropriate).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Read that again you blind bastard. I was 15, Helen was 14. So a). Marriage? b). Wasn't a cadet and c). Internet didn't exist in 1986.

      Delete
    2. 15 then and an IQ of 15 now.

      Delete
  2. C Rehill - "They could see you'd Only being a Police man" .......... I suspect you to be one of those people who doesn't like the Police very much, until that is you need one eh? Dick head.

    Lance - Man that's some serious bottled up hatred you have there ol' Pal. Just remember sometimes people do change, even the bullies & arseholes we grew up with. back then, sure they were idiots but that doesn't mean they are now after 20 or 30 years have gone by. People grow up, get married have kids etc etc so their outlook and attitude towards life and other folk changes and in many cases for the better .... Maybe the chap you write about isn't a cock end anymore? Don't get me wrong mate some wankers never change even with age and he might still be a throbber of the highest order .... check out his profile, message the bloke & see how he responds .... I gave a lad at my school some shit when I was growing up and felt bad about it for a loooong time until I bumped into him on friends reunited (so way, way before FB). I sent him a message saying I regretted being the way I was back then and going along with the crowd and giving him crap. That was over 10 years ago Lance and I class him as one of my finest friends now.
    If he's still a weapons grade fister after you have contact with him call simply defriend the f**ker and send him the link to this thread .... just my two cents worth from one serving copper to an ex copper.

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    Replies
    1. Hatred of oppressive police equals dick head? About 60 million of us then.

      Delete
  3. Lance you have attracted the cock-trumpet Rehill/Goggins/Macfarlane or whoever he is today (voices in his head).
    Next it might be MTG his bum-chum!
    Jaded

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Brave of you to show up WPC Jade. After quite a few years I am now about to unveil a major police corruption probe. You scum are mendacious racist vermin. They say jail is especially harsh for plod. One wonders why if you never fit up anyone innocent nor torture suspects. Dale Cregan, national hero.

      Delete
    2. I'm feeling very brave.Just been out with the PC that shot Duggan and bought him a large drink as he deserved it.
      Jaded-I only speak for myself BTW,not 60 million people like you-ha-ha.

      Delete
    3. Pissed myself laughing at Shitgiro's "Only scum hate police". Yes cos perjury and theft (to name but 2) are things no decent person cares about. Why is it that Fire Brigade and Ambulance crews do not hide their jobs? As for Duggan's killer he may well have an unquiet Xmas when his details go online. Tiochfaidh Ar La!

      Delete
    4. Even someone as mentally ill as Rehill must realise that everyone loves the Fire Brigade and Ambulance drivers because they don't arrest people.It's a silly argument.
      Section 136 is waiting for you if I ever see you on my borough,or perhaps at Heathrow when you come flying in from an imaginary war-zone or two.
      Jaded

      Delete
    5. WPC Jade is Sutton near 'Eefrow?

      Delete
  4. Oh how exciting! The boys are getting tough!

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    Replies
    1. Always had you down as a Leather Queen "Lance". Mwah.

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  5. FIRST to call Redhill a cock ...

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    Replies
    1. or even Rehill ........... clearly so unimportant a twat I forgot his/her name after 5 seconds .......

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    2. Oh dear a Monkey is having a go. Did Shitgiro send you over? It all boils down to the fact that plod are despised. Used to be "Oderint dum metuant" but as I saw at G8 nobody fears you any more.

      Delete
  6. Yeah cheers for that you irrelevant knob jockey .......... btw you need to get laid to get rid of all that pent-up frustration you got going on boy ....

    ReplyDelete

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