Friday, 2 August 2013


Rachel, I’m sorry. Really I am. I didn’t know you were in today. No please don’t hide, you have to believe me I’m not going to hurt you. I really am so sorry. You’re the last person I wanted to see all this. I planned it for months. You’ve been sick for a week so I didn’t expect you back on a Friday of all things. This place makes me sick, so I suppose I assumed you must have hated it as much as me.

Look, I won’t try and reach out again. Look, I’ve put the guns down. Don’t cry, I am really sorry, honestly I am. You’re the only person who’s ever been nice to me here. I’m not going to hurt you and I give you my word I won’t try to touch you again. Please understand though, I timed this so you WOULDN’T see it. God loves his irony I think, you were here and I never knew until I saw your face through the mess. Seeing your fear made me realise I’d hurt you too, and I swear to God I never meant to do that to you.

There’ll be coming for me soon and I don’t have long. Please just listen. No, don’t cry Rachel and please don’t think I’ll hurt you. I promise you I won’t. You’re making me cry now. You’re one of only two people in this hell hole that I have any affection for. Mr Hardy is probably outside beyond the police cordon now. He’s a great bloke. You were always sweet to me and you tried to stop them from bullying me so many times.

I had a crush on you. But you knew that, remember that time I asked you out? Your friends all made fun of me. Snide remarks and sniggering whenever I walked past. But you never made fun of me for that and I overheard you telling them to leave me alone and stop teasing me. Do you know how much that meant to me? It meant more than I can tell you. Justine Carr though. That fucking cunt laughed at me more than the others. Did you know she once made a papier mache model of what she thought my knob looked like? It wasn’t a pretty sight. She then took great delight in showing it to everyone. Her boyfriend busted my mouth open when I snatched it off her and stamped on it. That’s her lying by the door, her head half missing. I’m sorry you saw this Rachel I really am.

Rachel, if you crawl any further into the back of that cupboard you won’t be able to get out. Please don’t hurt yourself. I hope you can forgive me for making you see this. What’s that…hang on?

“Not dead eh? How’s it feel you fucking bastard? HOW’S IT FUCKING FEEL? DOES IT HURT? DOES IT FUCKING HURT?!! Just let me get my knife.”

“Lance please, I’m…gkkkkkk.”

“Jesus. So much blood, oh well, you won’t be needing it now. Stop trying to talk with your throat cut. You sound like a twat.”

Rachel, shit! I’m not sorry I’m doing this but I’m sorry you’re seeing it. I really am. I won’t hurt you and I hope in years to come you can forgive me. I won’t be alive much longer. I can hear them coming up the stairs.

You know when I stood in the doorway and took the first shotgun out, do you know what was totally what I expected. That everyone who saw me laughed. This classroom faces the bike sheds as you know. The first people I opened up on  were the ones who used to shout and spit at me out the window every morning. I’m so glad Mr Bodsworth was here early too. Seeing his face when I pointed the gun at him was awesome. Seeing a fat, vicious bully finally showing fear. Delicious. I shot him in the stomach first. He took the longest to die I think. No one got away. I locked the door to the science labs yesterday evening and Superglued the lock. If I’m standing in the only exit, there’s no way they can get past me. Everyone in here earned what I gave them….except you.

You’re crying so much Rachel, I really wish you wouldn’t. You are the only sweet person in this rancid high school. You once got your boyfriend to chase a gang of bullies away who wanted to follow me home. I remember Dominic, a fireman I think isn’t he? I never forgot your kindness towards me Rachel and that’s why I did this today, because I thought you wouldn’t see it.

Mark’s head exploded when I shot him. I’d never imagined it would do that. It was beautiful. His brains and hair are all over the maps on the wall near the blackboard.

These were people who made my life hell Rachel, but you were kind to me and for that I am truly sorry that you had to see this.

I killed the Head too. He was in his office. I walked in without knocking and he went berserk. Puffing and blowing with his usual cholesterolly challenged fury. I beat him to death with that bust of Winston Churchill he keeps on his desk. I thought walking up here straight after maybe someone would stop me, after all I was spattered with Mr Snow’s blood. But no one cares what Lance Manley says or does unless they want to bully him or steal from him or humiliate him.

You gave me a birthday card last year Rachel. I knew it was only to be nice and you didn’t fancy me but that was the best present I got for my 15th birthday. You didn’t do it to prove a point or because you had to. You did it because you’re a nice person. Thank you for bringing some happiness into my existence at this school.

They’re at the door now. I heard the officer shout the challenge. This is it. I’ll just reload and then I’m on my way. I promise you I am so sorry about this Rachel and I also promise you I won’t hurt the police. They don’t know I’m the victim here. They’re just doing their jobs.

There. Two shells should do it. You’ve seen far too much so I’ll do this where you can’t see me.

Goodbye Rachel, and once again, I’m so very sorry. 

1 comment:

  1. Most of us are just content in the knowledge that the chavs in school are stuck with their shitty small lives, miserable for most of the time, with just the weekend booze and wife beating to look forward to. And then I found out that one of my bullies is a completely reformed character. Teaching english to underpriveledged kids of all things. Just goes to show that kids are evil, but some of us grow up.

    The other one though, that sucka is dead as.


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