Tuesday, 14 May 2013

When Life Hands Out Lollipops

A long time ago I read the wonderful “You Can Heal Your Life” by Louise L Hay. In it she describes, amongst other things, how every ache and illness in our bodies is brought on by a mental perspective or attitude. So worry about money may result in sciatica. Hatred may produce warts. Etc. It can be dismissed as hippy fucking cobblers BUT one thing I do believe is that bad mental energy produces stress on our bodies and results in the body creaking under the strain. If unchecked we then get conditions that cannot be cured without serious help or even surgery.

While in my brief tenure of the English police (a wretched, twattish, image-obsessed, dangerous organisation) I had sciatica that later flourished to a full blow slipped disc. The pain was like nothing I’d experienced before and even a cocktail of three different prescription painkillers failed to stop it.

Last week I couldn’t go to my beloved Krav Maga class because my body had suddenly decided to develop tennis elbows in both arms, pain in my hips that may have been the unwelcome return of sciatica and knee pain in my left leg. I paid a sports masseur £30 to bruise me so badly that I felt I’d been attacked with a steak tenderiser and the pain ebbed slightly. However today I woke up and was feeling slightly resentful towards my ex girlfriend Mich. I was seriously thinking of going back to the reference I left her on Couchsurfing.org and changing my reference to a negative one (hey, badass revenge motherfucker, me!) My initial adoration and soppy love for her can be found here:


My later bitterness and resentment can be found here:

As I lay there, with the cat knocking stuff off the cabinets onto the floor (her way of reminding me she's hungry) I decided that, for the first time in my life I would actually just forget and forgive and move on. I wasn't condoning what she'd done. I wasn't happy about it but ultimately I had spent most of my life hating those who had hurt me and this had manifested inside me and made me sick and ill. The pain got less and less as I lay there and I genuinely felt more positive for making that decision. My inner monologue was kind of like this.

"Hey Mich, you really hurt me very badly. I paid for your flight to Europe from Mexico and you dumped me 5 days after you got back via Skype. It took me about a year to get over this and only the fact that I had to impersonate the Wildlings Beyond the Wall from Game of Thrones, in my job as a postman in an English winter (albeit without climbing a 1000 feet high ice barrier to deliver a letter) meant I kept my sanity. I live alone and you have made absolutely no attempt to contact me since you dumped me. Delivering mail in -5C and then staggering home to only a cat for company can really focus one's self pity. I put myself in debt for you and it took even longer to pay that off. However we had good times and you and your family were very kind to me. You took me in and welcomed me into your home. You were good to me so keep the positive reference on Couchsurfing as if it was a tattoo or a photograph, a reflection of a moment in time that can never be reclaimed. I no longer hate what you did to me and for my own sanity I choose now to move on and not dwell like a petulant child on how life let me down."

I felt much better after this and set about doing my weekly clean of my apartment. Instead of doing what I normally do, which is to tackle the kitchen and MAYBE the bathroom, I did everything including the upstairs and felt much better after. I then turned on the TV at about 4pm (something I usually avoid in case I find the televisual monstrosity that is The Jeremy Kyle show. I have a fear of the batteries in the remote control dying just as I get to ITV2 and having to get up to change it over, while Shaznay and Wayne further illustrate that some "people" really should be drowned at birth) and watched a wildlife show with David Attenborough.

Relaxing into my new forgiveness mood I turned on my laptop, loaded Spotify and searched "pure moods." Then had a wonderful hour listening to some chill out music.

My day was getting better.

No urge to watch (and then rewatch) the "I told you I would find you" kitchen massacre from Liam Neeson's "Taken".

No quick browse over You Porn.com for "messy facial".

Then I had lunch and instead of just blending up 3 eggs and drinking them with an Actimel digestive yogurt drink** I made not one but TWO toasted sandwiches (including added chutney). The day was positively filled with positive energy.

Then I got a phone call from  my downstairs neighbour. He busted his ankle on Sunday and is now Victor Meldrew reincarnate. He asked me to nip out and buy him some bread but I said I had a full loaf in the cupboard and he was welcome to a few slices until I actually went out to my Krav Maga class later tonight. While chatting in his flat I noticed a device on the table.

"What's that?"

Turns out it's a magnetic energy wave device, designed to help soft tissue injuries. As he had two I was more than welcome to borrow the other. It cures tennis elbow.

My guardian angel is now smirking uncontrollably behind my shoulders.

** While this sounds the pits, it's nutritious but about as lazy as you can get with regard to preparing food.


  1. Glad you have got over her... Again.... :-/

  2. Forgive is a verb (as well as love) and a verb is an action. Once you take the decision to forgive (or love) it does what a verb can do; moves everything to the right place. On the other hand, bitterness is like if you drink venom and expect the person you hate dies.


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