Wednesday, 15 May 2013

Tesco and Tits

I have sat around far too much today.

Here's an email I sent to the local paper about Tesco in The Parade, Royal Leamington Spa.




Dear Local Paper,


While in Tesco, The Parade, Leamingston Spa last night I walked up to the fresh bread section which was chock full of unsold, unsliced loaves.

“Can you slice this for me?” I asked the staff member nearby.

“Sorry, I don’t know how to. I can try and find someone else if you like.”

I said it didn’t matter and then got a pre-sliced one.

Fairly mundane and boring until...two minutes later she took some big, pink rubbish bags marked “NOT FOR HUMAN CONSUMPTION” and began to stuff the loaf I’d been thinking of buying, and all the others into them one at a time.

I asked her what she was doing and she said that at a certain time each night, all the unsold bread has to be thrown away.

It cannot be sold at a discount.

It cannot be given away.

Realising she was simply following orders I hunted out the store manager who said that it is Tesco policy not to reduce the price or give the bread away. It HAS to be chucked into the bin.

I mentioned that outside both front and back store entrances were two homeless bums, sitting in the pouring rain begging for change. Why not give the loaves to them?

“Sorry, I can’t. I’d like to but I can’t. Tesco policy,” he said looking a bit embarrassed.

Tesco, you suck!

Lance Manley LLB (Hons)

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And here's an e-mail and my reply to some lying twat in my Google Mail today. I usually ignore them but was feeling especially crabby.




-----Original Message-----
From: Mrs. Fareeda farad
Sent: Monday, May 13, 2013 7:10 PM
To: undisclosed-recipients:
Subject: CAN I GIVE YOU THIS TRUST???.

Dear,

It's my pleasure to have contact with you, based on the critical
condition I find mine self, though, it's not financial problem, but my
health, you might have know that cancer is not what to talk home
about, though I don't know you, and my contact with you was not by
mistake, but by divine favour of ALLAH.

I am married to Mr. Abdul karim Farah who worked with Tunisia embassy
in Burkina Faso for nine years before he died in the year 2008. We
were married for eleven years without a child. He died after a brief
illness that lasted for five days.

Since his death I decided not to remarry, When my late husband was
alive he deposited the sum of US$ 8.2m(Eight million two hundred
thousand dollars)in a bank in Ouagadougou the capital city of Burkina
Faso in west Africa Presently this money is still in bank. He made
this money available for exportation of Gold from Burkina Faso mining.
Recently, My Doctor told me that I don't have much time to live
because of the cancer problem,

Having known my condition I decided to hand you over this money to
take care of the less-privileged people, you will utilize this money
the way I am going to instruct herein. I want you to take 30 Percent
of the total money for your personal use While 70% of the money will
go to charity" people and helping the orphanage.


I don't want my husband's efforts to be used by the Government. I grew
up as an Orphan and I don't have anybody as my family member, just to
endeavour that the name of ALLAH is maintained. Am doing this so that
ALLAH will forgive my sins and accept my soul because this sickness
has suffered me so much.

As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of the
bank in Burkina Faso and I will send authority letter that will prove
you the present beneficiary of the money in the bank that is if you
assure me that you will act accordingly as I Stated herein. Hoping to
receive your reply.

Regards,
Mrs. Fareeda Farad
Written from Hospital. 



-----Original Message-----
From: Kenilworth Boy
Sent: Wednesday, May 15, 2013 6:06 PM
To: safarh01@voila.fr
Subject: Re: CAN I GIVE YOU THIS TRUST???.

Where's the cancer? Your tits? Your lady hole? Your arse?

I think dishonesty is a sin so Allah may not let you into Paradise simply
for being a lying little cunt.

Fareeda Farad is an anagram of "Fade Afar Dear". So why don't you just do that and fornicate off.

Cheerio
Lance

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