Monday, 5 November 2012

The Different Agents Theory of 007


(Or...How You CAN Make The Theory Work That All The James Bonds Are Different Agents Using The Prefix 007)

(Or…Even Skyfall Hasn’t Bolloxed This Up Completely)

WARNING: Spoilers in abundance!!!





Assume when reading this that ALL of the six 007s since 1962 simply assume the mantle of James Bond when acquiring the double oh licence. They adopt the back history and details of previous incarnations to confuse the enemy.

1). Connery’s Bond retires at the end of You Only Live Twice.

2). Lazenby’s Bond takes over in OHMSS. Him and Blofeled don’t recognise each other, despite having been face to face in the previous movie. This is because Lazenby is a NEW 007.At the end of the pre-credits sequence when the Countessa drives off he looks at the camera and says "this never happened to the other fellow." He is using Connery Bond’s office as he finds Honey Rider’s knife from Doctor No and the garrotte wire from From Russia with Love. He kills himself after being struck down with grief after his wife is murdered.

3). Moneypenny is a sad spinster who wets her knickers over all the male double oh agents, regardless of who they are. She has a particular fetish for whoever is currently 007.

4). Connery’s Bond comes out of retirement for DAF and is monumentally pissed off in the pre-credits sequence as he hunts Blofeld. NOT because his wife has been murdered but because he’s sending a very clear message not to fuck with the men who carry the name. Shoving someone head first to drown in a pit of boiling mud is horrid even by Bond’s standards (if you watch, Bond is grinning as he shoves the trolley).  This also explains why he is overweight and looks bored for the remainder of the film. He is simply filling the void until….

5). Roger Moore’s Bond comes in to play in LALD. Moneypenny again distresses her gusset. M is the same guy as the previous 2 incarnations of 007.

6). In The Spy Who Loved Me, Agent XXX mentions Bond’s dead wife and a lot of other info on him. He interrupts her at the wife bit. He’s only doing this to pretend he’s the same guy, realising that the Russians have fucked up their intel.

7). In For Your Eyes Only, Bond is visiting the grave of Tracy Bond from OHMSS. Actully Lazenby’s Bond is also buried under there and Moore’s Bond is paying his respects to a predecessor. When Blofeld then hijacks his helicopter he is taking revenge against MI6 and any agents carrying the double oh prefix.

8). Aged to buggery and decrepit as hell, Bond finally bows out after A View To A Kill. He was only allowed to stay on this long due to how good he was and a younger substitute not being found until…

9). Timothy Dalton takes over in The Living Daylights. He lets Felix Leiter’s wife believe his wife died (backed up by Felix) as it’s part of his cover in Licence to Kill.

10). Pierce Brosnan takes over as Bond and like the predecessors, has cover as a Naval Commander, regardless of what his rank may have really been before. The dead wife crap is now forgotten and it is clearly acknowledged that Judi Dench is a new M.

11). In the background of the “secondary HQ” in TWINE, an oil painting is visible of Connery era’s M.

12). Moneypenny is also a codename. Unfortunately they always seem to employ sexually repressed spinsters for the role.

13). Brosnan bows out after being tortured for 14 months in Korea after a final mission “off the books” as he’d been decommissioned. All previous gadgets are found in Q’s lair including the crocodile sub from Octopussy and the jet pack from Thunderball. As these missions were 19 and 37 years ago…it’s unlikely it’s the same guy.

14). Daniel Craig comes into play. He has the same M as Brosnan’s Bond and Chris Cornell specifically says “you’re just next in line” in the theme song along with “the odds will betray you and I will replace you.” This was M’s interview speech for double oh ranking to Bond after he shot Dryden and drowned/ shot his contact to gain the title 007.

15). Felix Leiter is a code name, along with Moneypenny and Q.

16). Skyfall attempts to bugger this theory up, BUT Craig’s Bond has Connery’s Bond’s Aston Martin with ejector seat and machine guns. Also Q is barely out of nappies and a new Moneypenny is assigned as secretary during the movie. Biggest dampener to this theory is Kincaid addressing him as “James Bond” upon seeing him again, but then again Kincaid could have known he was now using that name and working for the Government, albeit without knowing what he was doing.

17). The gravestones of Bond’s parents bear the name “Bond” but again this could have been subterfuge on the part of MI6 in order to erase Craig Bond’s real identity and have it all big one big, glorious 50 year blur of secret agents licenced to kill.

3 comments:

  1. Who's the author of the image?

    ReplyDelete
  2. It's appealing, but I think including Craig's version in this, with the faked tombstone and the family servant using his alias, is too much of a stretch. It's easier to believe that this theory covers all Bonds from Connery to Brosnan, and that the Craig Bond is an alternate continuity altogether.

    In this alternate continuity, Bond owned the Connery Aston Martin just because it was a cool classic car and that's the sort of thing Bond is into.

    Also, in this continuity, Dench's M is an old veteran of the Cold War instead of a newcomer who made her name after the Cold War, as in the Brosnan movies.

    Maybe after Craig's character retires or is killed, future 007 agents will start taking on the code name "James Bond" to perpetuate the idea that 00 agents are unkillable.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Coming a little late, but I can explain this one:
    Connery is the original James Bond. Craig is his son, James Jr. This explains everything, including the car, the gravestone and the mansion. Andrew Bond was his uncle ;).

    ReplyDelete

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