Thursday, 25 October 2012

How to NEVER Lose an Argument EVER


Hey there! Tired of losing an argument when your opponent comes back with a witty retort, a put down or worst of all...proof that you're wrong.


Well, here's a few examples of how to win an argument, without actually winning it.

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1). "How do you know what a kick in the testicles would fee like, you've never been a man?!!"

"That's rather insulting. You don't know what I did before you were born!"

2). "How would you know how Neil Armstrong felt, you've never been an astronaut?!!"

(Same answer as No.1)

3). "My friend's on the dole but lives with his girlfriend who works."

"Ah, yes. She's keeping him."

"No, he pays half the rent and half the bills out of his dole money before he spends it on anything else. I know this because I was with him when he collected the money."

"Oh."

(Five days later subject is brought up again) "Ah yes. She's keeping him!"

4). “Are you a virgin?”

“None of your business!!!”

“How can it be none of my business when I’m keeping you!”

“Because unless I have sex in this house it is my body and my private life and what I do outside of this house has nothing to do with you whatsoever.”

(After a pause). “But how can it be none of my business when I’m keeping you?”

5). (In response to being told that Anarchy is not an evil concept) “So you think it’s ok for people to go into each other’s houses and steal each other’s property do you?”

(Five minute explanation culminating in…) “That’s not what anarchy is! No one owns anything therefore there is no theft because everything belongs to everyone and nobody is stealing if they take something.”

(After a pause). “So you think it’s ok for people to go into each other’s houses and steal each other’s property do you?”

6). “You can’t write “orgasmic” in your English essay. That means having an organism!”

“Orgasm.”

“Yes but you can’t write “orgasmic” that means having an organism!”

“Or-ga-sm!!!”

“Whatever, but you can’t write “orgasmic” that means having an organism!”

“ORGASM!!!!!!”

“Don’t raise your voice to me or I’ll hit you. I don’t care how big you think you are!!!”

7). “I don’t think you’re working hard at college. I think you should just leave college and get a job!!!”

“Alright, I will.”

“I don’t think you’re working hard at college. I think you should just leave college and get a job!!!” (Repeat a further 6 times until other party starts to cry. Then sit there smirking at a job well done).

8). “I’ll call my mate and cancel my plans so I can stay in and babysit.”

“Just forget it!” (For best effect, snatch phone away, elbow other party in the face when they try to take it back with the words “just bugger OFF!!!” seethed through gritted teeth).

“Fine, do what you want!”

(Make phone call to your friend you were meant to be having dinner with and say…) “Hello, it’s me. Sorry but we can’t come tonight. (Insert Name Here) is refusing to stay in and babysit. He’s shouting and swearing at me now. Can you hear him? I’m REALLY sorry!”
(For added effect, don’t speak to the other party for one week over this incident. When you finally do, state with lower lip trembling “you killed something last week!”)

9). “There was a guy at work seething in pain today. When I asked him what was wrong he said he’d dropped a paving slab on his hand. Lot of nerve endings in the hand. Must have really hurt….”

“RUBBISH!”

(Reacting in shock). “Come on, there’s no need for that!”

“That’s nothing compared to what I have to put up with every day!”

AND THE ALL TIME CLASSIC ARGUMENT WINNER

10). “He never really loved me. He just pretended to. He knew that by being nice to me and putting on the amenable fa├žade, that when we finally got divorced in 27 years then everyone would feel sorry for him and see me as the villain.”

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