Wednesday, 14 March 2012

Further Adventures of the Surly Shopkeeper

Story told to me by my mate, the Chav Exterminator Newsagent.

Some time ago there were 3 new kids in the halfway house for homeless ASBOs at the top of his street. One afternoon one of them, a hulking thug named Dan, came in with a DJ's mixing desk.

"Wanna buy this?"


"Know anyone who does?"

"Nope. It yours?"

"Naaa, it's Toby's. He wants to sell it."

Dan leaves. Later Toby comes in for a can of Coke. My mate asks him:

"Alright. You manage to sell your desk yet?"

Toby looks at the floor and starts to cry.

My mate looks at him bewildered and a little embarrassed. "What's wrong?"

Toby looks at him and says, "I don't want to sell it. Those bastards came into my room and just took it. They're bigger than me so what can I do?"

My mate glares at him and says, "make sure they're at home tonight."

After work he locked up, marched up there and sat the Chavs and Toby in the lounge.

"You fucking wankers EVER take anything from him again and I'll break your fucking necks. Don't think for a second that I'm joking. Thieving, wretched little cunts"

They nod, no one answers back.

"Now go and put his stuff back in his room."

They comply. He turns to Toby. "You get any more problems you come see me ok?"

They never stole from him again.


  1. Top bloke that shopkeeper


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