Monday, 2 January 2012

Reasons Why Liam Neeson's Taken Is An "Awesome, Bro-Code, Die Hard, Beer and Pizza, Who’s-the-Daddy?" Movie That Every Bloke in the WORLD Should Watch.

  1. Oskar Schindler/ Qui Gon Jinn/ Aslan/ Ra's Al Ghul is in it.

  1. When Kim is “taken” Bryan Mills remains completely calm and tells her exactly what needs to be done while recording what’s going on via his spy gizmo collection. While 99% of fathers would have been freaking out he is nothing except controlled and calm yet utterly furious.

  1. His awesome speech to the kidnapper on the other end of the phone after Kim is “taken”:

    I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my daughter go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I WILL find you, and I will kill you”.

  1. The dude replying “good luck” before smashing Kim’s phone. Not realising the significance of those two little words.

  1. His beating of that slimy little ferret Peter at Charles de Gaulle airport. After punching him three times in the ribs and demanding to know where the two American girls are he then seethes “the next one goes into your lungs”.

  1. Taking Peter’s bodyguard/ partner out even though the dude is at least half his age.

  1. Pretending to be a bumbling, horny tourist in order to plant a mic on an Albanian pimp.

  1. Clearly realising that he can’t save everyone so he just ignores all the other sex slaves he finds, apart from the one wearing his daughter’s jacket.

  1. Infiltrating a brothel full of nasty, gun carrying gangsters while completely unarmed and using only his wit and confidence to convince them that he’s simply a corrupt official looking for a bribe.

  1. The CROWING MOMENT OF AWESOME when he correctly identifies Marco Hoxha by tricking him into saying “good luck”, tells him “I told you I would find you” and then bashes his face into the table before murdering every other gangster in the room (including stabbing two through the heart with a cheese knife).

  1. The look of despair on his face when he finds the raped, drug riddled body of Amanda (Kim’s travelling buddy) handcuffed to a bed and dead from being pumped full of heroin.

  1. The 2ND CROWNING MOMENT OF AWESOME when Marco wakes up by being slapped in the face to find himself strapped to a metal chair. Bryan then says “I need you to be focussed!” and bangs two rusty, 10 inch nails into this thighs and then casually asks “are you focussed yet?!!” over Marco’s agonised screams.

  1. Realising that Bryan is in fact an utter bastard and in another movie could have been the villain as he casually tells Marco that he’s done this sort of thing before. Not only that but the dude knows how to build an electric chair using a light switch, a metal stool, jump leads and two nails.

  1. The 3RD CROWNING MOMENT OF AWESOME when a tearful and hysterical Marco begs for his life, pleading that he doesn’t know any more. After a pause Bryan replies “I believe you…but it’s not going to save you” and flips the switch, leaving him to die in agony (forms the basis of the sequel out in 2012. Marco’s gangster dad is apparently NOT impressed by this).

  1. Bryan deliberately shooting his corrupt colleague’s wife in the arm as leverage to find out where the rich slave trader who bought his daughter lives.

  1.  The 4TH CROWNING MOMENT OF AWESOME when he casually says “apologise to your wife for me” before knocking the guy out.

  1.  The 5TH CROWNING MOMENT OF AWESOME when he escapes from the garrotting by St Claire’s henchmen and kills all 3 of them (while handcuffed).

  1.  The look on Patrice St Claire’s face when Bryan shoots his remaining bodyguard and then the look on Bryan’s when he walks towards him carrying a loaded gun. You just know this is not going to end well.

  1. The 6TH CROWNING MOMENT OF AWESOME when he shoots a reluctant and pleading Patrice in the shoulders and kneecap and then replies “it was all personal to me” before emptying the entire magazine into the guy and then dropping the empty pistol on the body (which then goes back up in the elevator to surprise the guests at his party).

  1. The 7TH CROWNING MOMENT OF AWESOME when he fights the only person in the movie who can match his martial arts skills (the Sheikh’s bodyguard) before putting the guy down with his own knife.

  1.  The 8TH CROWNING MOMENT OF AWESOME when he is confronted by the Sheikh holding his terrified, lingerie clad daughter at knife point. You fully expect Bryan will now have to negotiate to avoid getting Kim killed. However he simply waits until the guy starts talking and then blows his head off.  (Line, after dramatic, upswelling of music “we can negoti…BLAM!!!”)

  1. The FINAL CROWNING MOMENT OF AWESOME when he hugs his hysterical and terrified 17 year old daughter, while the still twitching corpse of her would be rapist lies on the bed behind them. She whimpers “Daddy? You came for me!” and he sobs back “I told you I would”.

  1.  When they get back to the USA and his bitchy cow of an ex-wife finally acknowledges that he really is a good dad

  1.  Realising that he killed 34 people and wounded many others just to get his daughter back.

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