Saturday, 1 November 2008

Vongol hordes

Apparently the big KFC gobbling mosquitoes that have been chomping on my supple flesh are a hardy breed known as Tiger Mozzies and are to itchy, crusty bitemarks what Millwall's Ointment are to casual violence.

Hopefully the cold weather will kill the fuckers off sharpish.

My flat mate had a road accident yesterday, resulting in a sprained ankle. His mood was in no way improved by the fact that the other driver fucked off from the scene leaving him pinned under his scooter swearing at the lingering exhaust fumes from the culprit's vehicle as it screeched away round the corner.

A pleasant meal of mussels, kingprawns, octopus and calamari was had by all last night, while Lucio kept telling his girlfriend off for tickling his foot as it made him laugh but was also very painful.

Arf! Arf!

Italian blokes like to boast about the size of their knobs. The fact that they were all sober and Lucio's bird was eating with us only proves it is a fairly regular dinner time conversation.

Today I meandered around Laurentina and Eur looking for a free Wifi zone. Found several outside the COOP (pronounced Coop, like Judge John Deed's minging secretary) but couldn't piggy back. Finally found one in via Pavese and spent a very pleasant hour uploading tons of stuff to Facebook. For such a tiny little thing this PC is well fast. Iwas only concerned about some Chav snatching it, but then remembered that I'm no longer in the UK AND kids have respect for both adults and the police over here.

Got invited for an Indian and a drink tonight by Raffaella. Had to turn her down as I'm currently skint and my big treat at the moment is cheap slabs of chocolate from the supermarket. My predecessor in my bedroom has left 3 quite explicit girly calendars on the walls and doesn't appear to want them back as he was present at the “fish and brag about your cock” party last night. Eva Herger has pride of place and is apparently a porn star. Her October shot is well filthy. Sometimes being single has its advantages.

Call me egocentric but looking at Facebook I've realised that I'm miles better looking than 90% of the people I went to school with. One girl I dated when we were the tender age of 12 is linked to me but refuses to put any photos of herself up (her profile pic is a Barbie doll) as she has, in her own words “become old after too much wine and cigarettes”. A couple of people she's linked to used to bully me and it's so nice to have been a scrawny, nerdy, unattractive, friendless, girlfriend-less geek at school and now have a washboard stomach and pecs when my peers are possessors of widows' peaks and love handles you could open jam jars with.

Try as I might NOT to I have found myself becoming addicted to that song “I Kissed a Girl and I Liked It” which is utter pap but strangely addictive and will no doubt set many a teenage girl's parents' ears aflame with agitated worry that their innocent child may be swapping tongues with her best friend at the local Comprehensive.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Your turn to speak...
Feel free to disagree but insults and insinuations
will get your comment deleted.